I possess a natural empathy and a desire to help people; whether that is to help ease the pain of chronic tension, to soothe the muscles following over-exertion or simply to relax and take away anxiety. I treat people holistically and as individuals

Amy Phillips - 07800 636266

Dekker Road, Dulwich Village. London. SE21 7DJ

thedulwichtouch@me.com

Tuesday, August 25, 2015 Wellbeing

Grief

'You give yourself permission to grieve by recognizing the need for grieving. Grieving is the natural way of working through the loss of a love. Grieving is not weakness nor absence of faith. Grieving is as natural as crying when you are hurt, sleeping when you are tired or sneezing when your nose itches. It is nature's way of healing a broken heart.' - Doug Manning

I haven’t written for a long time and in that time my husband and I have lost 5 family members between us….including, most recently, our beloved dog. The gripping pain of loss has now dissipated but there are still waves of emotion as something arouses a memory and I mis them all over again. There are days still when I cry at the drop of a hat and I will never stop missing my loved once but wow have I learned a lot!

My emotions have always been very close to the surface and over the last 10 months I have cried many times, sometimes for entire days. These tears are welcome and feel necessary to clear away the pain, though I prefer to keep them to myself. This is where grief can be awkward, rarely can we give ourselves the space we need to do it properly; to let out all those many and varied emotions and to explore the whirlwind of conflict and pain. I consider myself very lucky to work for myself and I have managed to work enough- but not too much- and to actually take great comfort in helping others when I feel low.

I have a great support network and that has been invaluable, not just my amazing friends and family but: Reiki, essential oils, my counselor, hypnotherapist, yoga teacher and practice (more about that soon) and my massage therapist. It somehow feels like finding all these things in recent years was because the universe knew I would need them at this time! There have been times when I’ve needed solitude and times when I’ve needed to reach out through the anger, pain, depression, insomnia, guilt, fear and all those other emotions that have circled their way through me exhausting me and leaving me restless at the same time.

Taking life easier and putting myself first does not come naturally to me but it has been essential during this period. It is something I will certainly take forward into what I am sure is going to be a time of growth and renewal- the next part of my life cycle. Guess what, the world didn’t fall apart just because I took an extra day off a week, the bills still got paid and no-one thought any the less of me…we can all do it. And we must.

Life is a cycle and the only thing we can be certain off is death, we will all die and in contemporary western society I don’t think this is addressed enough. Death is feared, full stop. I have read much about the Buddhist philosophy and how it views death- this has been a great comfort to me. You may have heard the story of the women who came to the Buddha in great anguish, carrying her dead child pleading him to bring the child back to life. The Buddha said ‘Bring to me a mustard seed from any household where no-one had ever died and I will fulfill your wish.’ The woman's attempt to search for such seed from houses were in vain and of course she could not find any household in which no-one had ever died and suddenly she realized the universality of death.

Please, put yourself first when you are grieving, take time and let out your emotions in whatever way suits you, reach out to those you trust and try to remind yourself, even when you feel overwhelmed by darkness that there will be light. Life goes on but it takes time and if we hide from these difficult feelings, if we don’t reach out and we ‘carry on regardless’ in that good old-fashioned British way we are likely to suffer.

Take very good care of yourself.
comments powered by Disqus